Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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