Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
