Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My balls are so social today.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
