Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
