Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
