I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
