if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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