This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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