It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
