Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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