i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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