My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
