At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
