I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
whose parrot is this?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I touched a dick in church today
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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