is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
