Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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