I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
