ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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