when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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