If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
