Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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