I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
