He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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