i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
