I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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