that's an acceptable place to lick
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
