im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
