I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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