this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
