I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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