I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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