he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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