My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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