i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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