Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize