Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
