Your tits are I can't wait for
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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