awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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