My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
