one two three fourrrrnication!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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