he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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