I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize