Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
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The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf