I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
