Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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