I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
