Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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