i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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