He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
