everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
