im about as happy as oj after his trial
sarcasm needs its own font
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
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i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
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Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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