He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Can I color on your dick again?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
