Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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