I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
