Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
