I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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