I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
