He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck