i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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