Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
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I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.