Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom