just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?