the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
