Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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