I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
